i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
