you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
