So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Is it penis luge time yet?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
