Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
