dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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