EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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