i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
