So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
