I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
