Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
