Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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