So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
So. Much. Porn.
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