They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
