I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
3 2 1 whiskey
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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