You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
