is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
