I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
