I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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