Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize