I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
