I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize