So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
