We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
