Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I supernannyed him into submission
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
