Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just invented taco cereal.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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