are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize