If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He passed out mid-signature
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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