Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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