I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize