I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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