My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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