just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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