Are we in a gay sports bar?
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
