I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
