I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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