i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
