We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Randomize
