how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
