I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
