she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
