I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
