arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
