so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize