a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
