I want you more than these girls want KFC
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
