Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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