I feel like I'm in dance class right now
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
