the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
