Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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