i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
