I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
