Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
