god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
