I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
