Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
