Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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