His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
