I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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