you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
