I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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