I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
