Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
