Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
