yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize