You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
