I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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