I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
