My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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