You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
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