hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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