whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
